Scruggs? has been granted a patent on the last gadget you?ll ever need. It?s a giant, screw-shaped coffin into which are loaded your expired meat and bones, ready to be twisted into the ground. The patent application was filed way back in 2006, and while you probably don?t need to read it to get the idea, it is definitely worth taking a look at the drawings, of which there are many.
One of the biggest problems was making a shell that could withstand the twisting forces involved. And while the patent has been granted, Scruggs is still working on prototypes to overcome this. One thing he has worked out, in great detail, is the method for insertion. Depending on the density of the earth, the chiral coffin can be interred by hand using a many-handled assembly much like a horizontal ship?s wheel, or ? for tougher dirt ? a kind of backhoe with a twisting assembly.
Because the coffins displace dirt as your body is screwed in, no digging is required, and no earth is left over. It even offers a bonus for those who are terrified of being buried alive: The lid could be made with an emergency exit to allow coma victims and deep sleepers to escape their twisting tomb.
That doesn?t mean you shouldn?t still be scared. The image that keeps creeping nightmarishly into my mind is that of a giant, robotic Bugs Bunny, lurching into these now densely packed graveyards and uprooting the giant metallic carrots, one by one.
Easy Inter Burial Container [USPO/Google Patents]
Screw It, You?re Dead Anyway [Discovery News]
Inventor Donald Scruggs and the Screw-in Coffin [Discover]
See Also:
Rem Koolhaas to Build Largest Coffin in Latin America
Are Dead People Really Dead?
Folks Take Cellphones To The Grave
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